I am in a constant state of fear and I feel like people read my thoughts. As if they are out there in the open or everything I think other people hear. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed my thoughts will only become the noises around me and I will not even process them. To explain this further, say you hear a fan whirring, wwwhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr is your only thought-it's not even thinking. And when people talk to me while I am in this state it is the same thing, there is no processing or thinking, only noise. I feel that is the only time I get to rest. I wake up and I'm tired and then I start thinking and then hallucinating and then thinking about the hallucination and what is going on around me and what my own thoughts are and maybe to spice things up I will get a lecture or song stuck in my head. And that is the state I am in every single day and it is fucking exhausting it is. And then I have to sleep and I do get about ten hours now of it but my dreams are so clear I have done fucking math in my dream and it was fucking right. It is no wonder that I am tired the only sleep I get are lucid dreams. I have been this tired for almost a year now, I hate it. Sometimes I wish I could be in that trans forever.
Remember that everyone knows everything about you.
They do not like it either.
Look away even though you know they are watching.
They will get mad.
They will hurt you.