I am starting anew here. The last time I was here was over 2 years ago, it was a few days before I tried to run away across the country. I made it to Chicago, nothing bad happened but then I was caught. I told the police details about how my parents abuse me, but they did not care. I guess because it was two in the mornig it mattered less to them than getting a break did. Even now, over two years later, I don't regret, I think I needed the experience. Anyways, Tyr, I've grown. I now realize how fucking weird our relationship was, I think it made us both lonely, not to mention my emotional dependence. After I ran away I began day treatment. Even though it had major flaws, I completed the year long program in a way that helped my peers and I a lot. There I learned to set empotional boundaries as well as many other tools I so desperately needed. My mom had to stay on her toes because she knew I'd rat to the doctors there and I even got a social worker so she's been on her toes for a while. But I've made my relationship with my mom tolerable, but still I find myself grinding my teeth. I just focus on school because that is the key to getting the fuck out of this damned house. I also am going to get married next summer. To a sweet Oaxacan boy named Yobani. He struggles with things, but he is such a beautiful person, I find his soul mesmerizing. And I'm not obsessed with him, as now I am not obsessed or emotionally dependent on anyone. But best of all, I have begun to see the beauty in things. It really is contradicting, isn't it? Everyday I learn more and more about the world and it's horrible history, genocides, capitalism, exploitation, oppressions. But yet I am acknowledging both the beautiful complexities and simplicities of life. I love so many people. I love so much of my life, what I create, relationships, learning, I love appreciating things that are wonderful. I have become a soft person, I now have a sort of childlike wonder again. I feel rational and level-headed with empathy, I am able to actualize anything and everything that I encounter. I think a problem I had in the past was that I always had too much empathy and I didn't know how to handle it, so it bit me in the ass and I shut it down--tired to feel nothing. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting so close and it's so fucking prettty and it smells so good. Recently, I have been reaching out to a few of my childhood friends, and I wish they would feel less awkward about it. But I have spent 17 years of my life trying to be okay with the fact that humans fade in and out of each others' lives. No matter how I think about it, I cannot make it sound romantic or poetic. Friends, to those of you who have already passed through my life and to those who eventually will: I love you. I miss you. The side door will always be unlocked if you ever feel like coming home.